Home is Where The Heart Is… But You Work Away

IMG_3218Classified, a Canadian music artist recently announced that the proceeds from the song ‘Work Away‘ (ft. David Myles) will be donated to the Red Cross to aid the efforts being made in Northern Alberta (following the Fort McMurray fire) The lyrics of that song struck a chord in me, which was further amplified by the video.  The video showed men hugging their kids as they packed their bags and went off to work.

People who work away from home – away from their families and their roots – pay quite the price to keep the lights on. The price paid is in the loneliness of knowing that you won’t be there to witness those important milestones in your family.

Back in the 80s and 90s, when working for Federal parastatals was IN, a lot of middle class Nigerian professionals were transferred across Nigeria for work. The migration was even more pronounced when the Federal Capital Territory was made the seat of all governmental operations. The structure of families, split up temporarily because of work, resulted in a number of illegitimate children and unplanned arrangements. What started out as one family, running two homes, became two independent families.

However, one can’t neglect the importance of having a job. Apart from giving you source of income, it also gives you a sense of purpose. Inasmuch love and romance is sweet, we can’t sit around staring at each other all day long. We gotta go to work! Sometimes, this work takes you away from home for 6 weeks at a stretch. Other times, you come home to your kids every other week. For some people, it’s every three months. Imagine the excitement and anticipation build-up of finally catching up with your Boo, after 5 weeks of being away. *in Reminisce’s voice*….Wa fe ku lale yii

So, if work takes you to Abuja, or Malabo, or Zurich, or AbuDhabi, or Calgary…here are some tips to help keep you sane, and keep your family together as you go in search of our daily bread.

Be sure that your marriage can stand the test of your being away (A.K.A Test the Trust)

Working away puts an inordinate amount of stress on a relationship. It’s one of those situations where you don’t have a choice but to be away. After all, it’s not like you have another job waiting for you back home. It is important that you test the trust level in your relationship in order for a work away arrangement to succeed. Trust that your partner can take rational and positive decisions. Your son broke his foot while playing ‘jangilova’, do you trust that your husband can do everything that needs to be done without you bursting an artery from worrying? How comfortable are you with the evening bowling sessions your Boo goes to? (because she’s bored and tired of sitting indoors alone)

Working away requires a huge amount of trust. In fact, an unwavering trust between both parties – for peace of mind and happiness. In the absence of this level of trust, you might consider just sitting at home with your partner jeje.

Have a plan

Getting a  job that takes you away from your domicile can be exciting. In fact, the juicier the perks of the job, the higher the temptation to just jump at it, without a plan. Resist this temptation. Put a plan in place…before you go. Don’t make something up along the way.

How long are you going to take this contract for?

Is it the job of your dreams and you can’t imagine not doing it? Then structure a plan that allows for the relocation of your family.

Are there opportunities for you to work from home sometimes?

Are you going to rent a place in this place or will you stay in a hotel?

Do you see yourself living in this city long enough to necessitate buying a house?

Does your organization provide accommodation for out-of-state staff?

Ask questions. Ask more questions. Plan; and then have a back up plan.

Having a plan is important when you’re working away, because the whole idea of running two homes can be very overwhelming. After the initial excitement of getting that payload job, you are forced to face the reality of what commuting and loneliness feels like.


Are you going to work or are you running away?

Some people (like me… don’t judge) thrive in long distance relationships, and their love is best when it’s taken and given in small doses. Working away from home is the perfect excuse to ‘be there, but not quite’ It is pertinent that you have a good self-assessment conversation with yourself (and your partner). Is this job an escape hatch? Or is it absolutely necessary? Being honest with yourself in responding to this question will help you maintain a healthy, and well balanced relationship. There’s no point when one person thinks home is where the heart is, and the other person thinks home is where I’m able to put my smelly feet on the coffee table.

Amp up communication (Skype Skype Skype)

If you guys talk just once a day while you’re living together, working away necessitates talking 5 times more. Okay, I exaggerate, but you get my point. It’s not like you’re coming back at the end of the day to see the person, or to argue about why they left their toothbrush on the sink, or their dirty underwear on the floor. While working away gives you a certain peace of mind from hearing all those complaints…and shouting, you need to be able to talk about the mundane parts of your day. You can’t wait for 4 weeks to gist your Boo what Booth & Brennan did in 4 episodes of Bones. You have to talk everyday.

Recently, I applied for a job that was going to keep me at sea for 6 months. As excited as I was at the prospect of not paying rent for 6 months, it was hard to think of a life without my FaceTime. How will I show Remi my hair and the resulting curls from my new Shea Moisture pudding? Ah! Communication is key.

Our parents relied on NITEL lines which worked when it worked. Today, we have the Internet (thank you Oyinbo people.) In fact, you don’t have to spend too much money on phone calls, WhatsApp call is free. All you need to do is buy data.

Be financially prepared

A cost-benefit analysis of the job is part of the planning process when you make the decision to work away. How much am I paying to be away from home? How much will it cost me to commute back and forth? What’s the required frequency of these trips? If my spouse and kids are coming to visit me, how much will it cost? How often will we need to do it in order to keep the fire burning, and the home intact?

The responses to these questions will, in turn, result in the need to have a serious financial plan. To successfully work away, you need to be financially prepared. You need to be able to measure how much you’re earning, and compare it to how much you’re going to spend to keep your home.

Running two houses also involves duplication of bills, and other financial expenses. All these must be documented. (Yes, I’m one of those people who believes there should be an Excel sheet for everything in life!) If it doesn’t make any financial sense, what’s the point of missing the important and invaluable moments in life?

Tuck your kids into bed at night. Watch Modern Family with your boo. Life is too short to miss the good times.

By |2016-05-20T18:34:17+00:00May 20th, 2016|Essays|1 Comment

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One Comment

  1. Godfrey 11th December 2016 at 6:51 pm - Reply

    Are you going to work or are you running away? What if one party is running away, or the other party is happy that the “better half’ is going away? When the cat is away.

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